I can’t believe that our tiny little Velez clan unit is just mere weeks (maybe days!) away from being a family of four. These last couple of months have flown by, and while I feel like I’m prepared for the baby (or, as prepared as you ever are when a newborn is fast approaching), I don’t feel like I’m prepared as far as work goes. Sure, I sent out all the appropriate emails, and let everyone know of my official last day, and what happens if my “unofficial last day” happens before that, but because I have a handful of ongoing projects, I’d really like to see those getting finished, but I don’t anticipate I’ll have that control after next week. I know that trying to stay off of email during my maternity leave will be tough, and since my office is mere miles away, I’m going to want to stop by and visit. You know, just because. Because it’s my second home.
Anyway, next Wednesday, March 5th is my pre-op visit with my amazing doctor, Dr. Gandhi of Cherokee Women’s Health. Oscar and I will go in and have a chance to basically ask any and all questions about my c-section delivery on the 11th. Yes, I’m having an elective (although medically sound) cesarean section. There haven’t been too many people who have remained to be surprised by that fact after I explain my birth experience with Grayson, thankfully. I’m a little nervous, admittedly. Not about the surgery part – I know I won’t feel anything. Mostly about the recovery and pain management and the overwhelming desire to want to be Supermom but knowing that I won’t be able to get to all the things. Hell, even half the things. That “it takes a village” proverb? I hate that. I don’t ever want the village to feel like I’m taking advantage. I chose to be a parent – not the village. The village shouldn’t have to help. (But I digress.) My sweet and amazing friends have set up a meal delivery account for us, and I know that my mom and mother-in-law will make sure any gaps are filled in, as well as taking shifts during the day during those first two weeks helping me around the house and picking up Grayson from school when Oscar can’t.
I am a little worried how Grayson is going to respond to the new baby. This past year has been, er, trying, as far his emotional and psychological development, and I worry about the worst once we bring the baby home. We’ve had some issues with tantrums, and some days I feel like a terrible parent because I don’t know what the best form of punishment and resolution is. Should we spank? Should we continue to use time-out? Should we ignore? These have all worked in the past, but I don’t have a hard, fast answer and I hate that. I like quick, easy answers. (Parenting rarely has quick, easy answers.) And managing two? What if he has a tantrum when I have both boys out at the same time? Apologize and GTFO? I don’t know.
As a new parent, I remember thinking, “Holy shit, how am I going to take care of a baby?” And it’s been replaced with, “Holy shit, how am I going to take care of a baby AND A preschooler?”
I suppose, bringing home a new baby is one of those cases where you relinquish control and graciously accept offers from the village.