On trying to make two become three

Apr 30, 2009 | Uncategorized

(Another filterless entry)

I have never examined my boobs in the mirror as often as I have the last two months, hoping I see early signs of pregnancy, hoping I see veins, discolorations, or whatever it is I’m supposed to see – just something.

Over the weekend I had bouts of nausea and light cramping – I even missed out on most of the Bruce Springsteen concert Sunday night with my Mom because I felt like I was going to heave. I sat through 4 songs, I think, and ended up spending the rest of the concert (sadly) out in the open breezeway with the vendors and drunks. But as I found out Tuesday morning after taking a test, it was not pregnancy nausea, so I have no idea what that was attributed to.

Any woman who’s ever tried to plan a pregnancy can relate to the feeling you have just before you pee on a stick. I open the wrapper (which is pretty thick like the wrapper my Fruit by the Foot came in when I was younger and actually ate things like fruit snacks). My heart rattles my ribcage with every thump. I try to convince myself it will be negative, to psych myself up to soften the blow, be prepared for only one little blue line.

Waiting.

Waiting.

One line.

Sigh. Better luck next month.

1 Comment

  1. Kimberly Julie

    awww… so sorry! my proverbial fingers continue to be crossed for you and your hubby!

    i know you’re wanting a wee one something fierce, but don’t forget to enjoy the means to the end! 😉

    Reply

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