fears

Jun 22, 2007 | Uncategorized

On my hike up Kennesaw Mountain yesterday (once a week, I feel unproductive without it) a good friend and I started discussing religion and somehow that stemmed into what scares us.

Anyone who knows me pretty well knows I don’t really do horror movies. But in my brain, there are many different levels of horror movies. Alien movies and zombie movies freak me out, but mostly because of the quick camera jerks and the gore. What gets me, is stuff that involves little kids. The Omen. Poltergeist. Further still, what absolutely terrifies me is The Exorcist. So much so, that if I’m flipping through the channels and I see it’s playing somewhere, I’ll quickly flip to Cartoon Network or something, just so I don’t have to see the face in my head. I can’t quite remember the first time I saw it, but I remember distinctly watching it through the little holes underneath an afghan in a friend’s house in middle school. Usually, it’s not something I think about. There are far too many other things I have to think about (bills, work, calling people back) instead of clouding my head with her face.

But it happens. It happens when I’m in the shower getting ready in the morning, and I have soap in my eyes and then all of a sudden I see the face in my head and that soap is washed off quicker than you could ever imagine so I can survey my bathroom. She’s never there, of course. It happens when I come home alone and all my lights are off and I turn the lights on as I walk in every room. Front door light, kitchen light, bathroom light, hallway light, bedroom light. As if somehow the light is going to help me.

When the prequel came out a few years ago, I was dragged to it. It still freaked me out, but it wasn’t Linda Blair. It wasn’t a little girl. she was in her mid-20’s or so. And, really, it just wasn’t as good. But when the remastered version (complete with new scenes) came out into theaters, you would have had to sedate me and carry me into that theater.

That other movie that got pretty big, The Exorcism of Emily Rose, freaks me out too. She was a college student, and very spiritual if I remember correctly (I did watch this from behind a couch cushion), and she still managed to get possessed. This film however, piqued my curiosity because it wasn’t quite so disgusting. Nevertheless, still possession and still gives me chills.

The thing is, I have no idea why it freaks me out so much. The whole idea of possession is what does it, but at the same time, it’s extremely interesting to me too. but I’ve never let my curiosity conquer my fear and actually research it. Trying to sort through why this above all other things scares me, I decided that since I was brought up in a heavily-laden christian background, it must bother me so much because this thing, that was supposedly on the opposite side of what I was taught to “root for”, was so horrid and so disgusting that I was sure I never wanted it to happen to me, and somehow not watching the movie keeps me from worrying that it could happen. Because let’s face it, backwards Latin and your mother sucks cocks in hell is not appealing.

Anyway. It’s ridiculous, I know.

But that’s what I’m scared of.

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